The Emotional Roller Coaster That Was Chicago
Chicago.It is one of my favorite cities in America. It features the best of everything: the bustle and hustle of the big city with a down to earth mid-western feel, weather where the seasons actually change, the best gay bars and clubs, great food, real people, thriving businesses...
So it should come as no surprise that in the city that features the best of both worlds, I would experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows throughout Grabby Awards weekend.
DAY ONE
I feel like my weekend began as soon as I ran into gay porn star Nick Capra and director Jett Blakk at LAX airport. We were both on the same flight. I had hosted my porn show at Here Lounge the night before until 2 am and still needed to pack and finish some last minute work when I came home, so with a car scheduled to take me to the airport at 6 am, I opted not to sleep at all. Needless to say, I was a little slap happy at the airport, making jokes about anyone and everyone who we were bound to see throughout the weekend. Capra, who used to make those jokes with me, has changed his tune since rehab and instead met my quips with, "Awww, but he's so sweet!" at every turn. Eventually I asked him when he became so boring. Thankfully Blakk was there to laugh heartily at everything I said, making me feel like I was at least entertaining someone and that was enough to keep me awake until the plane ride where I got probably a total of 3 hours of Z's.
The three of us also ended up sharing a cab from O'Hare to downtown Chicago which must've lasted 40 minutes and seemed like two hours. I was looking forward to seeing more of them throughout the weekend, but barely saw either for the rest of the trip.
A friend of mine -- one of those "I'd be dating him if he lived here" friends -- Ben lives only a few hours outside of Chicago and decided to drive in to see me Thursday night since I had the hotel room to myself until Jet Set Men exclusive Aaron James arrived Friday afternoon.
Ben and I have a lot of history. Constant readers will remember Mikey, my former best friend of five years who I ended up falling in love with and was my boyfriend for nearly two additional years before my Big Life Change of 2006. Well, Ben was Mikey's boyfriend when I moved to West Hollywood and first became best friends with him. Ben and I were great friends too and the three of us used to hang out a lot. I caught up with Ben when he visited L.A. a few months ago and we ended up kissing on a dare and ended up liking it way more than we thought we would and spent the night together. Since that evening, we've kept in touch and been closer friends than ever.
So needless to say, I was elated to see Ben and have him spend the night with me in Chicago. We made our way to the Grabby Welcome Party at Spin and, for Ben, it was a whirlwind that he was not at all expecting. A flood of porn stars coming up to greet us, a few people asking for autographs (that barely ever happens to me unless it's Grabby weekend!), photographers asking me for pictures, all of which just seemed like another great porn party to me.
But for anyone who is your date but isn't a part of that world. they suddenly feel like... well, you name it. The trophy wife. Arm candy. An accessory. And while I have become very good at including whoever is in that position in conversations, I have also come to realize there is nothing really that I can do that will ever make that person feel any differently.
For Ben it was no different (I know because he told me so right there at the party!), except fortunately he was not about to let it ruin his fun or stop him from having a good time. And that was a nice change!
Ben and I took off with Sister Roma and Mr. Pam to stop by Brent Corrigan's night at Hydrate before heading to Chi Chi LaRue and Howard Marr's big kick off party at Charlie's.
On the long walk to Hydrate, I got a phone call from my father.
I felt like an ass leaving Ben with two people he didn't know and leaving Roma and Pam with Ben who was getting increasingly drunk, but my dad doesn't call me this late at night and I knew I had to take the call.
It was there, standing on the streets of Chicago freezing in a t-shirt and jeans, that I found out my aunt and my stepmother's mom had both been diagnosed with breast cancer in the same week. My father was also dealing with his own stress-related health problems. I didn't know what to do or say but cry. So I just stood there. And listened to him for over a half hour until the battery on my cell died.
I pulled myself together and rejoined the group at Hydrate just long enough to say hello to Brent before heading out to Charlie's.
The second we walked in, I saw Brandon Baker who had made a t-shirt that said "I [HEART] Jason Sechrest" on the front of it and "...a little bit." on the back. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. A smile was back on my face thanks to his little joke, which warmed my heart more than he knew, and the Jason Sechrest of JasonCurious.com was back in the house and ready for a drink.
Chi Chi's DJ'ing was amazing, the FabScout porn stars dancing were incredible and Ben was kind enough to give me the space and go off on his own while I hung out with a lot of my friends like Jason Ridge, Christian Owen, Tory Mason, Sister Roma, Cort Donovan, Blake Riley, Rusty and to make new friends in people like Damien Crosse and Francesco D'Macho.
But the best part of all was having someone as wonderful as Ben to stumble back to my hotel with for the night. In the midst of bad news, my friends and family and lover for the weekend made me feel loved and taken care of. And I knew falling asleep that night that everything was going to be all right.
DAY TWO
Ben and I awakened in the afternoon on Friday and I asked him to stay with me another day. He cancelled work and decided to go get his friend Sarah so we could all go to lunch for some of that famous Chicago pizza.
On the ride there, Sarah, asked who my friend was I'd be rooming with for the rest of the weekend. "Oh he's a gay porn star," I said. "Well, actually, he's a straight guy who works as a gay porn star."
"OH!" she gasped. "I just saw a show all about that on MTV with some guy -- "
"Yeah, that's him. Aaron James. He's a Jet Set exclusive. I'm his publicist and he's with me for the rest of the weekend."
I met up with Aaron and Jet Set's other publicity machine, John Patrone, back at the hotel after lunch before we headed out to see The Tim & Roma Show live on stage at Hydrate where Roma was to interview dozens and dozens of porn stars. She was kind enough to let us sneak in early so we could all get a table up front where we could shoot video and photos.
After the show, Blake Riley and I wanted to head over to The Lucky Horseshoe for the Raging Stallion party but Erik Rhodes needed to eat first so we all decided to go to Nookies to grab some grub. But somewhere, on the way out the door, someone ran into Stacey Bridges, the head of Gay Chicago Magazine and the Grabby's. When they asked him if he wanted to go eat with us, he said he was eating across the street and to meet him there -- not knowing we had a group of our own. So now there was a whole pile of us, including Ben and Sarah!, going to eat at Stacey's dinner -- and he was so sweet and accomodating, putting everyone on his tab for the night. Blake and I shared the best escargo either of us ever had (which Erik Rhodes was too pussy to try) and crabcakes.
There was a female piano player there singing old standards softly in the background and I tipped her, asking her to perform "When Sunny Get Blue," which she did. Erik Rhodes and Blake Riley kept threatening me to sing a song which I totally would have if I wasn't drunk off my ass. I can't drink and sing. Some people get better when they're drunk. Me, not so much.
On the way to The Lucky Horseshoe, Erik Rhodes said something about how sometimes he just wants to pick me up and throw me in a dumpster. Blake Riley was kind enough to point one out to him so he proceeded to do so. He didn't really throw me in though. He was just teasing, although for a quick minute it felt like high school all over again. And something about Erik Rhodes picking me up and carrying me, I have rarely ever in my life felt so safe. It was completely and utterly one of the hottest things ever. I developed a little crush on him that night.
I felt bad that I wasn't spending any time with Aaron James so I called him once we were at The Lucky Horseshoe and asked him to come out with us. He found us in there, though how he did I'll never know. It was so packed it was uncomfortable. It was made even more uncomfortable by the fact that the Raging Stallion boys were performing live sex shows so there was a lot of beer, sweat and lord only knows what other bodily fluids going around.
While Erik Rhodes was eating it up (literally!), I for one wanted to hurl and made my way to a corner to hide with Ben, Sarah, Roma, Mark from Gay Chicago, Blake and Aaron.
By the way, I should mention, I've hung out with Roma many times but never as much as I did on this trip and it is easy to see why everyone totally loves her. She is attentive, funny and knows how to have a good time but is never sloppy. It's always a genuine thrill to be with her and it was great seeing her show Friday night and hanging out with her later at The Lucky Horseshoe.
If this were a television show, now would be where the screen cuts to black and you hear the announcer saying, "We now interrupt this program..." -- and you, unfortunate viewer, are never able to know how the rest of the evening really panned out.
We're interrupting your "Diary" entry for a Public Service Announcement about being friends with people who do drugs. There are two types of people who do drugs: The people for whom it is fun and the people who are trying desperately to have fun but can't quite seem to get there. The first is your recreational drug user who despite frequency has it under control. The second is the addict who has nothing under control. Either you control the drugs or the drugs control you and there is no inbetween there. You're either one or the other.
When it comes to drugs, I have two personal stances: Everything in moderation and there is a time and a place for everything. For some people though, moderation is not an option. Some people can't NOT do drugs if the drugs are in the vicinity regardless of the time, the place, who it belongs to or what it's going to take for them to get it. I can't be angry at these people because it's really an illness, for which there are thankfully treatments and help groups. But though I'm not angry with those people, it's hard to be friends with them. A hardcore "user" will eventually use you.
On Friday night, someone I considered a friend "used" me. I was left feeling betrayed, violated, vulnerable and even a little bit scared.
DAY THREE
I awakened, again in the late afternoon. I couldn't shake what had happened the night before and felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Ben had spent the night at Sarah's and was headed back home. I was getting ready for the big awards show in my hotel room with Aaron James. I had decided I was going to go in "boy drag" and wear this kind of metallic purple button up shirt with matching eye shadow and lipstick. It was the kind of thing you can only pull off if you're in a good mood. It's not the kind of thing you want to be caught frowning in, you know? But even the smiles I pulled off at the ceremony seemed utterly fake to me in the photos and I had a really difficult time getting into the spirit of the evening.
I decided then I might as well resign myself to the idea that my weekend was ruined. I didn't hang out with anyone. I sat in the Jet Set booth with Andrew Rosen and John Patrone and tried to just enjoy the show.
As soon as the awards were over, I couldn't stand all that makeup on my face for another minute and decided to stop by my hotel and get more comfortable for the after party. I shared a cab with T Ball and vented all of my frustration to him, God bless him. He is the Keeper of Sechrest's Secrets, really. He knows all and doesn't say a word to anyone about anything.
I felt so much more comfortable with the makeup off, now in jeans and a hoody and ready to enjoy the after party. Brandon Baker bought me several drinks straight away and I helped Rusty with the VIP booth for a little while. The RentBoy.com crew is like an extended family to me and you can't really be around them without genuinely smiling. They always manage to make the world a little bit brighter.
About an hour later, I got a text from Chi Chi LaRue asking me to come find her. She was on the other end of the club in a VIP booth of her own. I didn't even know there was another one! I strolled over there and the second she saw me, she gives me the biggest, longest, tightest bear hug I think I've ever received in my life. I tried really, really hard not to cry. Somehow she just knew how much I needed that at that moment.
And for the rest of the evening, Chi Chi made sure I was taken care of. Right by her side and never out of her sight. There's always one wild and fun night in Chicago with Chi Chi and me -- and this one turned out to be it. We all went over to Erik West's place where he played the most accomodating host for the evening and morning to many of us. I hung out there with Chi Chi, Erik, Roma and one of my favorite Chicago drag queens Velicity while getting to meet a couple of trannys, Amanda Brandt and Aurora Sexton. It was one helluva party with porn stars, trannys, drag queens and strangers all sitting around talking about everything from porn to politics.
As much as I may have learned in the last two years that life outside of porn is essential, I can never discount the true friends I have here. Many of you have been a familiar face, a savior, a guardian angel, a rock, a mom... when I needed it most.
In a few weeks, it will be my 10 year anniversary of working in adult entertainment. As much as I need things in my life that are not porn related and as much as I strive to go on and do other things with my career, how could I ever really leave completely? I have too my friends here to leave.
I still don't know why I was embraced by this community ten years ago or why I continue to be let into your club when I had nothing to do with it.
But you should know that I'm grateful and I appreciate it and through the jokes and the gossip, that's one thing I don't get the opportunity to say nearly enough.
FOR PHOTOS & VIDEO FROM GRABBY WEEKEND, SEE:
posted by Jason Sechrest at 3:57 PM
13 Comments:
You embraced this world 10 years ago because of curiosity.
You continue to embrace this world today and may be for another 10 or 20 years is because of the heart and the support of boys and girls.
You'll never be able to leave porn behind. It's not about porn, but rather the people who gave you the supports and lovings happens to be in porn.
You know I always tell you that you have my back, but you know, if someday you can't find any harbor to dock, I'm always open, or at least I'll enlarge it to make rooms for it (sorry for sounding dramatic here)
as for your family's medical situation, gather the strength and fight for it.
I, too, love Chicago, and I had a fabulous time this past weekend. Thanks for being so encouraging about my photography. Getting the opportunity to regularly photograph people and improve my skills is much appreciated.
I'm glad I could be there for you to vent to.
Oh, and Ben is SO. CUTE. (Hi, Ben!)
Wish you would have elaborated more about why you felt so violated and used. You left me curious!! LOL
Still not sure why you are so surprised though. I mean seriously, someone doing drugs at a porn event?
Shocker!
Jimmy - Thanks for the vote of confidence. xo L, J.
T Ball - I'm soooo glad you like Ben! I was wondering what people would think of him. He sure turned a LOT of heads at the welcome party. All eyes were on him for a while, huh? I think people were like, "Who's the new kid in town?!" xo L, J.
Mario - It's not that I was surprised that there were drugs at a porn event. It's that I was surprised a friend of mine was willing to steal from me in order to get them. xo L, J.
Jason
I just finished reading your blog on this past weekend.
Sorry about the medical situation involved in your family and the betrayal of a so called friend.
I can relate to that big time.
I lost three of my grandparents to cancer.
When you have time tell them that you love them cos life is short.
Let me tell you about my weekend in San Francisco.
First the hotel I made a reservation at last month,gave me a room with a shared bathroom which I didn't ask for.
The excuse was it was a mix-up.
As you know I'm a guy who loves to go clubbing.
The club that I went to called Fresh was overcrowded that I needed to breathe so I went by the entrance to take it easy.
I left the club not knowing that three ambulances were called in cos some idiots had overdosed.
On top of that I got the devastating news that my friend Brandon(he is on my top friends list)passed away on Friday.
We never met but he always checked up on me,left comments and even got into surveys like I did.
I offered my condolences to his partner Patrick but I don't want to know the details of how he died,I just want to remember the guy who made me laugh and brightened my day.
I had fun at the other club called Sanctuary and met a married couple that I had known on here.
Jason,you probably wondered how I got to meet these porn stars for the past three years and tball(god bless him he is a sweet guy)
It was a website called Chi Chi Larue's Live & Raw and a newcomer who came onto the scene in 2002 who invited me to a premiere party for a movie he did for Raging Stallion Studios at the Nob Hill Theatre in Dec 2004.
That newcomer was Mario Cruz.
I feel like an insider these past three years,watching guys start as newcomers then easily burn out or have oversized egos.
Porn stars that I have watched on dvd or video and meeting them in person.
And yes drug use is rampant I have seen it but won't name names.
Through it all I wouldn't change it for the world.
Hang in there Jason you are a sweet guy.
Frank
Good Diary post Jason.
The Windy City lived up to its reputation for you emotionally buffeted as you were by both cold winds and warm sunny moments.
You are the perfect observer of Pornus Erectus (the modern Porn star)
You are a little bit Truman Capote & a little bit Andy Warhol (esp when your dealing with personal issues) and when you are up and amped you are a saucy Joan Rivers/Bette Midler combo ;)
And when you are down and not in a good place there is a bit of Liza in you,,and I am sure alone in your apt, you sing some beautiful songs and you may cry.
But like Liza you are a surviver and they say life is 80% banality & boredom and 20% Ecstasy
Live for the 20%
Hope for the best for the family.
Oh boy,that is pretty low if a friend of yours did that, also a sign of a really bad drug problem!
Dear Jason,
Thank you for elaborating on how you were "used" by a drug user.
How much was stolen from you and how did this person get it?
What are the worst ways you've been "used" by addicts?
Have you ever had to shut friends out of your life because of their addiction?
Frank - I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Brandon. Sounds like your weekend in SF was full of ups and down too. Maybe it was something in the air over Memorial Day weekend. Mario Cruz is the sweetest and I'm glad he introduced you to the scene. Thanks for writing. xo L, J.
DeWayne - No one ever gets me quite like you! And I have to say, if life is supposed to be 80% banality and boredom, I'm quite a lucky guy. ;-) xo L, J.
1:05 - I'm not going into the details of this situation. I don't know that you have to force people out of your life because of their addictions -- especially if they're good people otherwise. But you have to put yourself at distance in certain situations. You can't let your guard down with those people. I have detailed here in the "Diary" section in years past how my friendship with Jason McCain ( http://www.jasoncurious.com/blackbook/jasonmccain.html ) was thrown for a loop by his drug use. I'm not against drug use at all, obviously. I've described myself as experimental and at times recreational. But if you're going to upset the people close to you in order to get a fix... that's where a line really has to be drawn. That's someone who has lost control. And I wonder if maybe people aren't just built one way or the other. It is, after all, a genetic illness. I know plenty of people who are very frequent drug users, but would never hurt another person to get it. xo L, J.
Well, I'm glad you enjoy my beautiful city! I suppose I should be terribly annoyed that you spent so much time RIGHT DOWN THE STREET from where I live (here in scenic Boystown), hanging out at some of my own favorite spots (like Spin), socializing with people in the adult industry (when Sex Workers' Rights is my own pet cause), and still I was deprived of your company after TEN LONG YEARS...but hey, it sounds like you had a lot going on, and (hopefully) there's always next year...!
-Josh Bermont
Josh - HOW could I have forgotten you lived in Chicago???! Well, for one thing I haven't heard from you in forever. People do tend to move more than I do! lol Hope you are doing well and sorry I missed you. Can you believe I have a high school reunion coming up? Ugh! We're getting old. ;-) xox L, J.
I was reading your blog..and if you were closer I'd give you a hug...I was a addict and what you said is the truth sad but true..i ended up using all my friends till they are not friends anymore, Sad i thought i could be fine with all that but in the end i am alone ..but still going on, I say what makes you happy you stick with ..your a handsome man
Tony
sounds very exciting except for the junky who ruined your night... but still the rest sounds fun!
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